it’s hard to describe my first day in retail. although i’m sure most people wouldn’t give a damn about how hard i tried, i thought i’d go right on ahead and put a written account of it.

for the most part, i thought i did a pretty good job. i learned quickly, i listened, i preyed upon the impressionable minds of adolescents to buy parasuco jeans. but two co-workers came up to me and told me that i was not being aggressive enough. this made me think: “am i supposed to jump at their throats and force them to buy things they don’t even want?” now, when one questions it that way, isn’t that exactly what retail encompasses?

for the most part, you’ll get two type of customers in your store: 1) the person who knows exactly what they want, hipster-flare dark navy jeans with low-rise and a button-fly, and 2) the browsing customer who just walks around grazing their fingers on every piece of merchandise and then leaves. the first person is a retailer’s dream. it’s easy to find what they’re looking for and they’ll end up buying it 99.9% of the time. the second person is harder to convince, and most of the time they don’t want to be convinced. anytime you hear the words “no thanks i’m just looking,” you know you won’t be able to sell anything to them.

this makes me mad because my co-workers see these people who have said those words to me and they expect me to just sell them something, anything. it’s like trying to accomplish the impossible, climbing the proverbial mount everest.

this also makes me think about my own experiences while shopping at clothing stores myself. retailers would jump at me while i had unknowingly glanced at a pink tank-top or something and comment on how “spring-y” it was and how “cute” or “adorable” it would look on me. i hate pink — so i’d smile awkwardly and walk away. now this is the type of thing my co-workers want me to do. it’s not enough to just be polite and help the customers ring up their purchases. i have to attack them, maul them… do whatever it takes to keep them in the store to buy something, god damn it. it’s difficult setting aside my morals to work at a place like this.

“we’re not here to make friends,” one girl told me. “we here to do our jobs.”

geez, it sounds like we’re crime-fighting or something close to that noble occupation when it’s the complete opposite. nevertheless, i promised myself to become a little more extroverted and a little more aggressive. i’m going to become that type of fake-smiley go-getter that i’d always detested. save my soul. and if i don’t become that aggressive cat soon, i have this sinking feeling that i’m about to get myself fired.