i am writing you this letter because i miss you. sometimes you’re him and sometimes you’re someone else. whenever you’re close to me, i see your face and it luminates the room — it really does. but lately my world has been dimmed and ravaged of light and all i can see is darkness. sometimes i choke when i can’t feel you close to me and all i have left is the dying warmth of your hand that used to press itself against my palm.

it’s funny how your face changes with time and monday you can have blonde hair while on tuesday wear a brunette top. saturday i’ll be seeing you walk down the hall of my school, and sunday i’ll stare at you from afar while we eat dinner surrounded by friends. you’re crazy that way.

sometimes you make me cry and i guess it’s all part of needing you so badly in my life. i’ll miss you when you’re gone, but sometimes i’ll hate you more for staying with me. i resent the way you leave from time to time. often you change your spots and rarely you come to me consistently with a smile. that smile fades over time and time goes by so slowly when it’s gone.

dear you, you’ve taken so much from me but still i hold on. i want profusely to appear unmoved by you and jaded and cynical. mostly, i convince myself that i am so.

sincerely,
your confused heart