i have reached the last long night of my spring break from ubc and all i can think about are these damn term papers i have due in the next two weeks. two term papers which i haven’t even begun to regard as important, although i’m sure their importance will become clearer once the stress-factor kicks in.

i wish i could just be content with school and work like everyone else. but i can’t. not when i know that there’s something else out there for me, something else i could be doing while feeling ten times better about myself. i know, i know… i bitch a lot.

i also listen to this one friend of mine a lot. he tells me many of his personal dilemmas and insecurities about life. and i’m just now realizing how wonderful i am at giving philisophical insight with such commendable fervor. i can think of the best reasons for his concerns and even better solutions to his predicaments. but throughout our talks, i fail to listen to my own advice. i doubt he takes it, either. the point is that i know how to jump the hurdles that my friend describes, the same hurdles i myself must overleap soon enough. but i simply will not listen to my own good advice.

do we as separate rungs on the social ladder fail to acknowledge that we already have the answers? … the solutions we dish out to other people’s problems. we know what to do and we know the costs, yet most of the time we are so unwilling to go that extra distance of carrying out our own orders.

it’s strange how we do this… it’s even stranger that i know that i do this yet my worry with life still presses on.