gosh, i know i always complain that all people do nowadays is bitch and moan. so i’m going to deviate oh so slightly and focus on certain positive aspects in my life.

sometimes i worry over the fact that i have a lot of friends but not that many close friends. you know, those people to whom you can confide both your troubles and aspirations. but i do have a couple that really take the cake. i won’t mention names but they know who they are. whenever i’m in the depths of filthy ca-ca or feeling oddly silly, i know i can talk to them and feel completely natural. i have no inhibitions when i’m around them. i can be the person i am at home with all of the laughing and sneering and joking without the reprecussions of social awkwardness or contempt.

the other people who see this side of me are those in my immediate family. of course, we have our hairy days when we just can’t seem to gel and end up arguing all night (but only rarely do we get the police knocking at our door). a few times i’ve gotten so upset with my younger sister that i’ve taken all of her clothes and stuffed animals and thrown them down the stairs. this started at quite an early age, too. i guess it’s because i’ve shared a room with her for eighteen arduous years. we have our horrible moments and our finest of moments, sometimes right after the other! but i honestly appreciate everything my family does for me. my parents and my sisters have shaped the person i am and the person i have always wanted to be.

i’m also grateful that my grandmother is still with me to be my wonderful second mother, without the ugly strictness. she raised me as a child when my parents couldn’t afford to take time off of work. i still remember the great memories of her cigarette olympics (yes, she smokes) and her filipino accent gone wild. most of the other grandchildren don’t really take the time to talk to her because they’re too caught in their little mtv shells, but my younger sister and i do at every opportunity. her stories about monsters in mango trees will forever terrorize my sleep whenever i visit the philippines.

i really do appreciate things like these on a consistent basis. i may not post about them each and every single time because somehow writing about them makes me feel like i’m revealing too much about myself.