back in 1994, the vancouver canucks were a force to be reckoned with. but at the beginning of the new millennium, it was hard to fill up the venue for a hockey game. most people would watch their games the sole purpose of catching a glimpse of federov, forsberg, or any other renowned hockey player. after vancouver’s unexpected loss at the stanley cup finals to the new york rangers eight years ago, i packed away my upper-deck collectors and customary white towel in a shoebox. i only return to them now as the canucks, with a new emblem on their jerseys, battle detroit in the western conference quarter-finals.

i used to be a die-hard fan. i used to go to winning spirit and inquire about the value of my rookie cards and run my eyes over trevor linden’s autographed jersey in utter zeal. i used to love “the russian rocket” and hated him when he turned out to be a huge wanker and a disgrace to vancouver. after those good years, i lost interest and time for a sport that i used to love with such passion. which leads me to wonder: was i ever a real fan to begin with?

i fall into certain interests quite deeply and quickly. if something all of a sudden appeals to me, i spend copious amounts of time researching it and pouring my heart into it. this is especially true when a particular interest hits close to home. in this case, it’s hockey.

even now, i still remember observing talents like steve yzerman, paul kariya, and alexander daigle — veterans, newbies, and never-heard-from-agains. and now, as i sit watching the first games of the playoffs, i find myself lost in the sea of new names and statistics. instead of viewing myself as a die-hard fan, i now see myself as a follower who only catches on when things are looking up: a band-wagon jumper.

sometimes i wonder if i can pour my heart into an interest indefinitely, or if hockey was just a passing pursuit that will cross my path time and time again. all i know is that these things tide me over for at least a brief moment in time, and in that moment i can put my effort into something other than myself.

for now, i continue my spectating. vancouver leads the series 2-1!