i have read a lot of archie books in my day. with my sisters and i, it is necessary to call them “books” rather than “comics” because of the classic storylines involved with all of the digests, double digests, and whatnot. or maybe we were just stupid kids.

throughout my extensive reading, one question has always evaded answering in the world of ol’ fire-crotch: why the hell doesn’t archie pick betty over veronica? even the juvenile novels based on the riverdale crew that were created in the early 90s didn’t bother having archie choose one girl. erm, not that i bothered reading them all or anything.

i think the whole love triangle among archie andrews, betty cooper, and veronica lodge typifies the romantic dilemma that each male goes through. does he choose the doting, affectionate girl next door or does he instead go with the wealthy, voluptuous bombsell? the disadvantages are clear with both betty and veronica. betty seems too clingy at times, always eager to please archie with talks of commitment and the baking of pies. but veronica, on the other hand, makes archie work for her affection. she also puts out like mad crazy, but that’s beside the point.

personally, if i were archie, i’d choose betty. she is smart, quick-witted, kind, and caring. in the end, she offers him more of a faithful romance than veronica, who parades herself for the likes of riverdale bachelors, such as reggie and other equally horny bastards.

when i really think about, why would these two girls be fighting over archie andrews anyway? he two-times them, sells out one for the other, and plays both like fiddles. and let’s face it — quite frankly, he isn’t really a looker, either. even in return to riverdale, the adult archie still couldn’t make up his mind. stupid indecisive jerk.

jughead’s where it’s at; i love a man who knows how to eat.