i’m going swimming later on today, and i have to say how uncomfortable i am at the thought of it. anyone who knows me knows that i have an aversion to being submerged. in tepid water. half naked. i realize that everyone is self-conscious to some degree, but this is getting ridiculous, even for me. because of my fear of being judged in a swimsuit, i’ve stayed away from swimming for almost five years. and that’s a long time to be afraid of your own body.

the main thing that is a cause for alarm is my skin. i don’t like it. it’s not reptile-like, but it definitely isn’t baby smooth. another is that i’m very skinny — bony, more like. one more is the long scar i have on my right arm from a bar brawl an accident i was in as a child and another scar on the back of my left leg from a past surgery.

now that i’ve gone through the various things wrong with my physical appearance, i can get back to self-loathing in a nonliteral way. swimming, here i come.