i haven’t been watching the third installment of american idol as religiously as i watched the first two. and for good reason: all of the contestants are ugly, talentless losers!

ok, perhaps i’m being a bit harsh. not all of them are ugly talentless. i’m mostly focusing on that red-headed dude, john stevens (a.k.a. the lovechild of finch from american pie and conan o’brien). if one more person compares him to frank sinatra or dean martin, i will scream. and jon peter lewis… i don’t understand the craze about the guy; he can’t sing, he can’t move, and — let’s face it — he ain’t no brad pitt. these guys have neither the skill nor charisma to be cutting it, yet america keeps voting them in for another round of what appears to be the gong show, without the much needed gong.

and don’t even get me started on george huff. i know he’s a great singer and all, but when i’m watching him perform i get so irritated at how smiley and jubilated he is. he’s so sweet he makes me want to vomit. he moves and looks like barney, the purple dinosaur, but even barney managed to look more human.

jasmine trias is another contestant i can do without. her incessant “thaaanks, paula!”, even after the judges slam her singing, have gotten old. i could get more intelligent answers from a sack of hair. if i were my parents, i’d probably be voting for her to win just because she’s filipino, but even my drunk fob uncles do a more heart-felt rendition of “when i fall in love”. and quit it with the exotic flowers already. we get it — you’re from hawaii!

the other contestants i vehemently dislike have been kicked off already (i.e., camile velasco), so let’s all thank america for doing one thing right.

yeah, i know i sound really mean and all, right now. i’d blame it on the stress of final exams, but i’d be lying. american idol sucks.