I never thought I’d be the type of woman who keeps going back to someone to makes her feel bad about herself, but I’m beginning to think I’ve become one. I used to watch episodes of Dr. Phil or Oprah where a young woman is bawling about her husband who treats her like crap, physically or verbally abusing her. The unbelievable part is when she says, “But you don’t know him. He’s not always like this. Sometimes he’s really caring and sweet.” And I’m always like, “Bitch, please! Can’t you see through that? You can’t let the rare times he’s nice to you overshadow the many times he’s made you feel like you were nothing.” It’s amazing how much we can excuse the actions of someone we care for because we think they truly care about us in return.

I don’t know where the line falls between battered woman syndrome and simply trying to make things work. As much as I don’t want to be that woman who lets a man walk all over her, I also don’t want to be the type of person who just gives up without a fight. But how much slack can you give someone before you need to cut the rope for your own good?

The other day, the boy and I got into a heated argument while we were driving to meet my friends late at night. We were both mad at each other mad about different things we’d said, but at one point in the argument he told me to “shut the fuck up” and “get out of the car.” Now, I have in my day told people to shut the fuck up (and regretted it later), but never to my boyfriend. And I have never been told to get out of a car for any reason (except when I was about to puke in my friend’s new BMW). So, to have someone who claims that they care for me, treat me in such a way makes me re-evaluate what it will take to make me realize that this is not the kind of relationship I want to be in.

I don’t want to give up, but I don’t want to be mistaken for a doormat either.