I met the doucheiest douchebags that ever douched last night. Next stop: Doucheville. Population: The douchebags from last night.

High school may be years behind me, but I am still meeting people who reinforce social hierarchy using arbitrary values such as music listenership, knowledge of world leaders, and animals you’d like to have sex with. (Really, that last one was a topic of conversation that separated the cool [anteater] from the uncool [horse, too obvious].) I was invited to a party in Paris by a friend from Vancouver who is also on exchange here. She is actually really nice and smart and funny—many of the people at the party were. But there were several people who just rubbed me the wrong way.

One moment that stands out was a girl mentioning a term she’d heard in a current hip hop or R&B song (I don’t remember the word now, it wasn’t that important). Anyway, the dude we were talking to just then said, “I’m disappointed that you were even listening to hip hop and R&B.” I jumped to the girl’s defence, saying, “I don’t see anything wrong with listening to that kind of music.” The dude responded, “Well, I do.” And the girl whom I was trying to defend chimed in, “Actually, I do, too.” With completely serious faces. Not an ounce of irony (which is weird, because I thought douchebags were all about ironic things, such as handlebar mustaches, 90s sunglasses, and unattractive sex partners).

I hate that some people feel the need to draw lines between others using retarded factors. Today it’s listening to hip hop music, tomorrow it will be how often you bathe. Actually, I think it’s already gotten to that point now, considering how bad the place stank of douche last night.