Some sniper-pigeon decided to shit on my foot today, which was unsocked, so I got nasty brown French bird poop right on my heel. Luckily, I was five minutes away from my apartment, but I could still feel the slimy merde slipping between the back of my shoe and my skin as I walked.

This will be the third time that I have been shat on by a bird in my life. That’s a statistical anomaly, is it not?